Often when the children are young is the very time when a father is trying to build his business or career and achieve the levels of financial success and security to support his family and their growing demands on the household income. A father often feels that he has the ultimate responsibility to earn money and pay for holidays, school fees and so on and it can be especially stressful for him to balance that responsibility to provide as well as be a constant figure in his childrens lives.
Business demands can result in a father appearing to be a rather transitory or even absent figure, especially to a young child, who may be in bed when father is at home on week nights. Some men have to work away or be available to entertain clients, especially in the early days of their career. So evenings and weekends can be difficult times for a father as he struggles to fit in work, family and some ‘me’ time in which to release stress and recharge his batteries.
Step fathers are becoming an important factor in many childrens lives. The dynamics can be hard to manage initially. Discipline can be a minefield that needs to be agreed between the mother and step father. It can also require tact, depending on the relationship with the birth father. Access can be difficult to agree in some family breakups. And the children may well feel that they are in the middle of parental disputes or negotiations or are used as a sounding board or a weapon in some breakups.
Many men are becoming more aware of the importance of being a nurturing presence in their childrens’ lives. The ominous days of ‘wait till your father comes home’ for mis-behaving youngsters are largely gone as more men want to be a more loving, supportive presence in their childrens’ lives.
An increasing number of men are looking at the terms and conditions of their job and are choosing to work less hours to ensure that they are home for bath time, weekends, important events with their children. There is an appreciation that children grow up quickly and those special times cannot be revisited afterwards. Priorities may mean less money in the bank account, but some experiences are priceless.
Significant male role models come in many different forms. There are often immediate family and friends, from the birth father, step father, grandparents, uncles and then neighbours and family friends. Then there are the media figures, celebrities, film stars and sports people. Often school teachers, coaches and tutors can have a major impact on an impressionable youngster.
Mentoring has become an important part of young peoples development programmes. Some schools are bringing in mentoring programmes for young people who are in need of effective male role models. They realise the importance of a good male example. Sometimes sports stars or business people volunteer to give their time once or twice a month to provide advice, support and contact especially to vulnerable youngsters in need of good male role models. It is a powerful way of leading by example because frequently the mentors have their own stories to tell.
Susan Leigh is a Counsellor and Hypnotherapist who works with
- stressed individuals to promote confidence and self belief,
- couples in crisis to help improve communications and understanding
- with business clients to help support the health and motivation levels of individuals and teams
For more information see http://www.lifestyletherapy.net
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