When it comes to our children we do need to be the ones in control. We are responsible for their safety and well being of course. But we are also the ones that need to teach them independence, good decision making skills, and build their self esteem at the same time. Learn to pick your battles and your whole family will run smoother and everyone will be much happier.
First off does it really matter if your child wears red striped pants with a blue polka dotted shirt? If we are going to church or somewhere special then yes I would prefer that my daughter at least somewhat match, but if we are at home or just running to the store I let her pick her own clothes as long as they are weather appropriate. Yes I get some funny looks but I will have my revenge later because I of course take pictures of all the colorful clothing combinations she has chosen and will be able to tease her about them later. My mom did the same thing with me, she has this wonderful picture of me with orange and pink flowered pants and a green and blue striped shirt.
Does it really matter if every corner of her room is picked up each and every day? I say no, she has an area where she does her "projects" and I personally see no reason why that can’t be a little messy at times. But we do have a hard and fast rule that once a week the room is totally cleaned and any toys or books must be picked up from other areas of the house before bed. She wins and I win.